Jack Sparrow, King of the Seals
by gnbman
Summary: Midway through a journey, the Black Pearl wanders off-course, and Captain Jack must deal with a supernatural colony of vengeful marine life. Set between Curse of the Black Pearl and Dead Man's Chest.


"Stop that foolishness, you worthless scallywags!" bellowed Captain Jack Sparrow, "You're drinking all me rum!" The whole crew was on deck dancing, laughing, firing cannons for no apparent reason, and drinking bottle after bottle of Jack's precious drink. Except for Gibbs, that is.

"But Captain, we deserve de rum much as anyone else," slurred Leech, "I work my buttocks off today."

"Aye," stated Gibbs, "be that as it may, the captain be right about one thing. You should belay that lollygaggin'." He paused and squinted his eyes. "These be cursed waters." He squinted more and shifted his eyes from side to side. By this time, the crew had stopped their fooling around; Gibbs had their attention now. But before he could launch into one of his multi-hour long tales, Captain Jack dismissed him, saying, "Not now, Gibbs. Back to your post, and that goes for all you scum, too! How much rum is left? Ah, here's some." Jack tipped up the bottle and drank every last drop; he then went below deck to consult the maps.

* * *

It was over an hour before Captain Jack returned to the deck. He had passed out from drinking and woke to the sound of pounding and yelling on the ceiling above. Thinking they were drinking again, he mumbled, "Belay that!" and pulled himself out of the chair, spilling rum all over the maps. He put his compass into his pocket and trudged up the stairs.

When he reached the top, he could barely believe his eyes. The crew seemed to have gone mad; they were all squawking and flopping like fish with their eyes bugging out of their head. Jack reached down, grabbed LeJon by the collar, and looked him in the face. To the captain's horror, the man was going through a hideous transformation. His skin was turning dark grey; his mangy hair was retreating into his scalp; a snout grew onto his face and whiskers sprouted from his cheeks as his eyes went as dark as a trench. Jack dropped him like he'd been bitten and waggled his hand; all the other crew members were going through the same transformation. Their hands became flippers, and their legs formed together into a fish-like tail.

"That's interesting," said Captain Jack Sparrow, and suddenly the crew went silent. The sounds of hundreds of seals barking could be heard in the distance, and it got louder as it continued on. Jack covered his ears as the sound got unbearable, but it stopped as a huge flipper rose out of the water and grasped the side of the _Pearl_. The ship tilted under its weight; the largest walrus Jack had ever seen was hoisting itself up on the deck. It was over fourteen feet long and had a crown made of barnacles, six-foot curved tusks, and a shaggy white beard filled with clams and crabs.

The great walrus roared and then boomed, "What captain and whose crew dares to enter the sea of the seals?! Whosoever enters the accursed waters of Barc-Tin-Grah-Hi may never leave!" He stopped and eyeballed Captain Jack. "Be ye the captain of this vessel?" He lumbered towards Jack and stared him in the face; he was so close, the captain could see in great detail the dead fish remains on the walrus's razor sharp teeth.

Jack pretended not to be phased, turned his head away from the huge maw, and started talking, "Now, first of all, what's a big beasty like you doing on my _Black Pearl_ , second of all, who, er, what are you, and third of all, get off me ship before I get huffy. Savvy?" The monster walrus was so angry, his right eye twitched and his tusks trembled.

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH, HEATHEN!" roared the walrus, "HUMANS HAVE NO PLACE IN THESE WATERS! The only purpose you sail for is to become rich with gold and jewels! The stupid humans are known all over the sea to fight one another and to kill innocent creatures for their own amusement! We seals used to be peace-loving and care-free, but when humans entered our waters, they mercilessly slaughtered and maimed us! We had no choice but to protect ourselves from those who wish to harm us! And now, whenever a ship enters the Barc-Tin-Grah-Hi Sea, its passengers become seals themselves to aid in the fight against human cruelty, and you are next, _Captain_!"

Jack was genuinely afraid now but, as always, was quite skillful in hiding it. He began attempting to stall the walrus again, "Alright… It seems we have reached a hitch: You want to turn me into a seal, but I don't want you to be doing that. It seems that the only way we can resolve this problem is to make a fight of it." The walrus looked surprised at first but quickly laughed, "Ha ha ha! You can't beat me, human! The very thought of fighting a pathetic human like yourself is quite hilarious!" Jack smiled and retorted, "Then you clearly haven't heard of me: I'm Captain Jack Sparrow!"

He drew his sword as the huge walrus lunged at him. He ran toward the bow of the ship and then circled around to the back, stepping over the crew-seals and attempting to confuse the large walrus. The monster was heaving itself all over the ship to get at Jack and rocked the _Pearl_ every which way.

"STAND STILL AND FIGHT ME, COWARD! A BRAVE PIRATE WOULD FACE ME LIKE A MAN!" growled the walrus. Jack finished circling the walrus and jumped onto its back. He said, "You're just as loopy as a eunuch I once was acquainted with. I don't follow rules about fighting." Captain Jack jumped down from the walrus's head and sliced most of its beard off in one swoop. In the walrus's surprise, it lurched up on its rear fin and fell down on its back with a thunderous wet thud. Jack climbed onto the walrus's chest and held his sword to its neck. The walrus was dumbfounded. "How– how did you do that?" he gasped.

"Sea turtles, mate." replied Jack. The walrus looked confused and said, "Well... are you going to finish it, Captain Jack Sparrow?"

"Of course not," replied Jack, "Just as long as you get your ruddy tail off the _Pearl_."

"You mean... You won't kill me?"

"No, just-go away," said the captain, waving his hand. The walrus rose up on its stomach and bowed to Jack.

"I'm sorry I misjudged you, Captain Jack Sparrow," sighed the walrus, "For all other humans I've encountered before would kill walruses without a second thought. I apologize to you. I will now return your crew to their original states... You are the new King Of The Seals."

"Say what?" asked Jack.

"Allow me to explain. Old seal legends tell of a gentle but valiant human who would someday come to us to forever protect us from our enemies, and he would be called the King Of The Seals! And now, you've finally came to us! Come, I will lead you to your inauguration." The giant walrus leapt into the ocean and motioned for Jack to follow him, who then quickly ordered his recently untransformed crew to get the ship moving. They followed the walrus into a dark cove where many seals were circling in the shallow water.

"Where be we heading, Cap'n?" inquired Gibbs, his head still clearing.

"Just follow that walrus," said Jack.

"Walrus did ye say?"

"That's right. I'm the King Of The Seals," replied Captain Jack. Gibbs gave Jack a funny look and slowly backed away. The ship crept forward until it reached the center of the cove. The great walrus rose as high as it could and roared loudly as thousands of seals rose out of the water and barked in return. The crew members were very surprised at this, and Marty even jumped up and down in excitement.

"Fellow seals!" began the large walrus, "For years, we have waited for our precious King, and now, after all these years, he has finally come to us. Captain Jack Sparrow, The King Of The Seals, has come to us!" The other seals barked and clapped in happiness. "Here he is: The King Of The Seals himself! Come down, Captain Jack Sparrow!" Jack climbed down from the _Pearl_ and swam toward the walrus.

"Um... Hello my children!" said Jack, "Yes, I am The King Of The Seals! Now you are safe, and eh... as long as I'm here, you'll be okay. Savvy?" Again, the seals barked and clapped.

"Thank you, King," said the walrus, "but we aren't through yet. It is now time to inaugurate you. Captain Jack Sparrow, do you accept your position as King Of The Seals?"

"Yeah," replied Jack.

"Will you promise to remain the King Of The Seals for all time?"

"Sure, mate."

"One last question: Can you fight off any enemy that threatens to attack us?" Jack hesitated. Perhaps he was going too far. Until now, he was sure that he could get out of this mess, but now, he was having doubts.

"Yes," he said.

"Hooray!" shouted the large walrus, "We have our King and he will remain with us here _forever_!"

"Eh?" asked Jack.

* * *

The rest of the day for the seals consisted of many forms of celebrations like sea bass tosses and clam skipping, but for Captain Jack and his crew, the rest of the day was made up of worrying and trying to figure out away to escape from Barc-Tin-Grah-Hi. After a few hours of discussion, they finally settled on a plan.

Jack swam into the cove as fast as he could, yelling, "Emergency! Emergency! Enemy humans on the horizon! Every man and seal take refuge in the cove while I take care of the problem!" The seals cheered him on as he climbed onto the _Black Pearl_ and sailed towards the open sea to defeat their "enemies."

* * *

One week later, Captain Jack Sparrow and his crew on the _Black Pearl_ were sailing far away from the Barc-Tin-Grah-Hi Sea and were preparing for their next adventure.

"We're heading to Turkey," explained Jack, "There's something in a prison there that I'm sure can lead us to something valuable." His crew hoorayed in approval, and Gibbs yelled, "You heard the captain! To Turkey!"

As the wind filled the sails and the crew went to their positions, Captain Jack Sparrow could've sworn that he heard a voice in the air whispering, " _You're still king_..."


End file.
